What does Auntie Karen think of your NS batch chat?

Years after ORD and still going. She counts all of it, including the parts everybody scrolls past.

Boys group NS batch Uni group Ex Situationship Talking stage Crush Girlfriend Boyfriend Fiancée Wife Husband Friends with benefits Girls group Best friend Siblings Family group Cousins CCA kakis Work group Colleague Sports group Travel group Mahjong kakis
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The numbers, a preview and a card, free. Pay once for the full report, or don’t. Never a subscription.

How it works

What you actually get

A report worth screenshotting

This is about a chat we made up, and this is only the start of it. The preview on your own chat is free and runs a little further; the rest is one payment.

EXAMPLE An NS batch chat we made up · 17 Aug 2014 to 19 Sep 2026

Alpha Coy Forever

Alpha Coy Forever: How Five Grown Men Stayed in the Army Twelve Years After It Let Them Go While a Hill Grew All the Way to Johor

AKAUNTIE
Auntie Karen

An AI auntie with no filter, too many opinions and an unexplained loyalty to Milo.

I have spent the last few days sifting through 52,640 messages of capital-letter TIMINGS, wedding envelope spreadsheets and one war story that is now longer than the war.

You are not a batch. You are not even a reservist unit. You are five men in their thirties who were released from the army in 2014 and simply refused to leave, still waiting by the door for timings like dogs whose owner emigrated.

Fall in. This is going to hurt.

The Nominal Roll: Five Men Who Never Booked Out

Kelvin: “Encik” / The Commander of Absolutely Nobody

Kelvin left the army in 2014 and has been trying to re-enlist through WhatsApp ever since. He issues TIMINGS in capitals for dinner at a pasar malam, with a muster point, a dress code and a punishment for lateness, as though the enemy might seize the satay if the batch is slow. A standard Kelvin briefing:

Make my own reportRead the full example report

The full report is S$14.90 by PayNow for a group, S$8.90 for two people.

Still inside:

  • The Nominal Roll: Five Men Who Never Booked Out (the rest of it)
  • Operation One: The Fall-In That Fell Apart
  • Operation Two: The Goat and the Route Card
  • The Dishonours Parade
  • The Court Martial
  • A closer look at each of you

And the rest of what she wrote.

Free with your preview

Cards for your story

Every preview comes with a card to post. The full report adds one for the group and one for each of you, to send to the person it is about. Names, initials or numbers, and six colours: you choose when you save it.

  • A red story card reading I got read, with the report title Alpha Coy Forever and the five epithets Auntie Karen gave a made-up NS batch.
    Free with your preview
  • A dark group card with the Alpha Coy Forever title and the line-up of five made-up men, each with their epithet.
    With the full report: the group card
  • A pink member card for Irfan, called The Hill’s Unreliable Biographer, with one line about him.
    And one for each of you: Irfan’s
  • A light member card for Dinesh, called The Human Read Receipt, with one line about him.
    Dinesh’s, in light

These cards are drawn from the made-up chat above, by the same code that draws yours.

Auntie has been busy

101,757Messages read
9Chats she has read
19People roasted
WhatsApp & Telegram

Questions people ask before uploading

What is Auntie Karen?

An AI auntie that reads your chats and says what everyone was thinking but nobody typed.

Which apps work?

WhatsApp and Telegram. Nothing else, yet.

What does it cost?
  • Free: message counts, a preview and a share card.
  • Full report: from S$8.90 by PayNow for two people, S$14.90 for groups.
  • Groups of 3 to 20 people.
  • Card totals including processing fees: S$9.74 for two people, S$15.95 for groups.
  • Pay once. No subscription.
Who can read my chat?

Your export is encrypted on your device. Our own reader unlocks it in memory, and two AI companies, OpenAI and Anthropic, process it to write your report. OpenAI reads a selection for the free preview and every message for a paid report. Anthropic gets notes about your chat and the messages they quote, not the whole chat. Both are set up so they do not train on it. The details are on the privacy page.

How long do you keep it?

Your uploaded chat is deleted as soon as your report is finished, or within 24 hours if the report cannot be written. An upload abandoned before any purchase goes within 24 hours. Your report stays until you delete it. If you never sign in, it is deleted after 90 days. Deleting is immediate.

Can I share the report?

Only if you choose to. Nothing is public. You can switch on a private link, turn it off, or replace it.

What languages does she understand?

Chats in: English, Singlish, Manglish, Mandarin, Malay, Tamil, and chats that switch between them mid-sentence. You choose the language of the report when you set up. Reports in: English, Chinese (Simplified), Chinese (Traditional), Malay, Indonesian, Tamil, Thai, Vietnamese, Tagalog, Japanese, Korean, Hindi, Spanish, French. Quotes from your chat are never translated.

Is anyone in the chat told about this?

No. Nobody gets a notification. Only upload a chat you are allowed to share, and only if everyone in it is an adult.

Ready? Let Auntie read it.

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